The psychologist answers: HOW TO make yourself pleasant? What does this liking depend on?

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP – The reader asks: “I would like to please others. Sometimes I understand that I’m being pushed away. How to make myself pleasant? What does it depend on? ”

The psychologist responds:
We like some people at first sight, others after getting to know them better. Some people even attract us, but others deter us. Why do we react to people differently?

First and foremost, you can’t dismiss the notion of physical attraction. We prefer to interact with people who seem physically attractive to us. A charming person is automatically considered friendlier, more balanced, warmer and kinder. When we start getting to know someone, we prefer people with similar attitudes. We consider people whose attitudes differ significantly from ours even less intelligent. Of particular interest is the fact that we like a partner who has changed his or her attitudes because of us, rather than the person who has had the same opinion from the beginning. This knowledge has also been used to shape the relationship between the heroes of many books and films. Romantic relationships arise rather between those who were originally in conflict but then got to know each other, than between those who were neutral and friendly from the beginning. Of course, this does not mean that real life should be transformed into a soap opera overflowing with drama.

Much has also been said about the attraction between opposites. According to some theories, some people choose partners who balance their needs. For example, the dominant chooses the subordinate, and so on. In fact, it is a simplified model and I would not continue with that.

The important thing is that we are going to like people with whom we have a lot of contact. This is how relationships are formed with co-workers, dormitory residents, course mates, etc. The prerequisite, of course, is initial sympathy. Communication imposed by an unpleasant person can makes us withdraw completely. (So a tip for people already living together whose relationship is starting to cool down: just be more together in different ways and in different situations.)

And, we like people who like us. Here, too, the principle of cost-benefit becomes apparent: if another person is negative at first but becomes positive (due to us), then we like that person more than the person who was completely positive from the beginning. We like to know that the other has changed because of us, so we have “earned” benefit.

This is not the end of interesting human behavior. One of the factors behind liking is the so-called perceived error. We like when others make mistakes from time to time and show their “human” side. It irritates especially successful people to create of themselves an absolutely infallible image of a hero. We like people who can make us feel like they are one of us.

Humans are selfish. We organize our relationships to maximize “benefit” and minimize “losses” in human relationships. At the same time, the so-called currency is social approval. We attach value to those who increase our confidence, especially in an area where we feel inadequate. At the beginning of a relationship, we try and condition the granting and receipt of different types of benefits, but by committing ourselves to the relationship, we already set norms and mutual expectations in our minds. If, for some reason, these norms are violated or expectations are deceived, we feel that the costs of being in a relationship outweigh the benefits, and we may withdraw from the relationship. At the same time, many people remain in what can be seen as an unbalanced relationship, so researchers still have a number of theories to come up with.

Photo: Pexels
Source: Ohmygossip.ee

Self-help: 5 SIMPLE AND TESTED MEANS to help yourself alleviate depression

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP – How to be happy? How to become happy? Why am I not happy? What should I do to become happy? Why am I so tired and why do I lack the will to live? Quite a few people ask themselves these questions and are devastated because they experience no pleasure for life. This is a serious situation to be worried about since very likely you are depressed. Here in this article we will list some means and simple guidelines to you about how you yourself can control your emotions and make yourself happier!

1. DEAL WITH YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS – a depressed person will turn pessimistic and negative – both towards themselves as well as towards everything around them. Try to modify your thinking and replace the negative thought patterns with a more positive thinking!

*Try to see yourself from the third person perspective
*Interact with positive people
*Write down your negative thoughts

2. COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE – although for depressed people it may be difficult even to talk to their family members and close friends, this is exactly what you should be doing. Avoiding interaction will make depression even worse. The support from your nearest and dearest is essential for you to get better and stay well. Describe to a close person what you are going through. If possible, speak face to face. Let them know that their support and understanding will be of great help to you. If it already happened that you started avoiding everybody then try to wake some of your previously trustworthy relations.

*Talk about your emotions
*Call a friend and take interest in how they are doing (also talk about how you are doing)
*Agree to meet each other (a cafe, cinema, concert, a walk) and stick to that plan
*Settle to meet regularly in a traditional location (a weekly dinner/supper)
*With a friend, join a smaller group of people at some event
*Call or text a friend who you haven’t contacted for some time
*Meet new people (based on a common hobby, through attending a course, going to training, etc)
*Help others (for example as a volunteer)

3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF – to recover from depression you need to take care of yourself. This means a healthy lifestyle, learning to combat stress, balancing your duties with the more pleasant activities.

*Set a goal of getting 7-8 hours of sleep every night, because usually depression comes hand in hand with sleeping disorders.
*Spend some time outside in the fresh air, is possible then in the sunlight. The lack of sunlight may deepen depression.
*Be attentive towards your stress levels. Excessive stress not only adds to the length and depth of depression, but it can also trigger depression. Think about all the things that cause stress in your life (for example a too intensive schoolday or workday, problems with people close to you). Then think how you may prevent or minimize the tensions related to these root causes.
*Start using some relaxing techniques. The daily use of relaxing techniques helps alleviate the symptoms of depression, helps lower stress levels and experience positive emotions (happiness, contentment). You might try yoga, deep breathing, progressive relaxation of the muscles, meditation or some other relaxing technique.
*Be and interact with a pet animal. Although nothing lessens the importance of human interaction, also animals can provide you with company and happy feelings and the feeling of solitude will fade. They can help us feel needed, which is a strong antidote for depression.
*Go in for things that you enjoy (or used to enjoy).
*Make a list of things that help you elevate your mood.

4. BE REGULARLY PHYSICALLY ACTIVE – research shows that regular physical activity may be as effective in elevating your energy levels as medications. For a significant effect, set the goal of being physically active at least 30 minutes every day. You may start with small steps – already 10 minutes of physical activity does good for your emotional wellbeing (however the physical activity should be regular).

5. EAT HEALTHY – the food that you eat directly affects your wellbeing. Try to eat a balanced meal: every day meat, whole grain products, fruit and vegetables. Decrease the intake of such drinks and food that negatively affects the mood (coffee, alcohol, energy drinks, trans fats, saturated fats, processed foods or those with food additives).

Photo: Pexels
Source: Ohmygossip.ee

ONE VERY SIMPLE exercise that alleviates stress – you need a pencil, paper and a moment for yourself

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP – Nowadays there is no such destroyer of health, eater of energy or mood killer than stress. We have for you a simple and efficient exercise that will help you alleviate stress on your own – that is the making of an MBB card! Just grab a pen, a paper and that’s all. When sometimes it just is so that something will remain there to disturb you, the shoulders will become tense and there is a lump in the throat, then you know that you will be able to help yourself.

Probably you have heard that some people are keeping a diary? When it seems that you are not that type: no worries, because with a pencil and paper you can also do something else. One possible way of calming your mind is the so to say mapping. It is one of the Mind Body Bridging methods. First lets just make it clear what Mind Body Bridging is.

Mind Body Bridging (MBB) is a method founded by professor of psychiatry, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Stanley H. Block and his wife Carolyn Bryant Block. In MBB method there are similarities with dialectic behavior therapy and cognitive behavior therapy based on consciousness.

The aim of MBB exercises is to increase the skills of self regulation, the skills of observing and controlling emotions, thoughts and conduct, and through that support the growth of the person’s consistency.

What are MBB cards and how is one created?

1. In the middle of the card, draw a circle and in it write down the thing, event or situation that causes stress.

2. Around the circle write down the thoughts that this thing, event or situation reminds you of. Take a few minutes for that.

3. What is going on in your mind while you are writing down these things around the circle? What kind of feelings in your body did it create? What do you think, how you are doing in that situation now? Answer these questions and write them down on the paper.

Congratulations! The first card has been completed!

Still, the full task has not been completed yet, since you seek to get rid of those feelings. Therefore begin filling out the second card.

1. Again, draw a circle in the middle of the paper, and write down the same thing, event or situation inside it, that you also wrote down on the first card.

2. Pay attention to your surrounding. Listen to the sounds and feel how your hands are feeling when you hold the pen. What does it feel when your back is against the chair, your foot soles against the floor… Don’t hurry, remain in the moment until you feel that you have become calm.

3. Keep filling the card just like the first one: list the feelings that emerge because of the thing, event or situation written inside the circle.

4. What is going on in your mind, when you list them? What are the sensations in your body? Answer these questions and write down the answers. Are the answers similar or different as compared to the first card?

Possibly the second card displays at least somewhat different answers as compared to the first card. If that is the case, it means that you have silenced your identity system.

What is identity system?
MBB method is based on the idea that people have the so called identity system that can be either dormant or active.

An active identity system makes the person identify themselves with the circulating thoughts and physical stress. During that time you feel that your mind and body are going through stress. When identity system is dormant, there is enough attention to notice other emotions and minds.

MBB is a safe method for taking care of yourself and it is suitable for people undergoing and suffering from stress. Using this method does not presuppose prior courses. Our goal is to raise awareness about this efficient method and convince people that they will be able to help themselves.

Photo: Pexels
Source: Ohmygossip.ee

THESE SIGNS are very likely to be drifting towards marriage already this year! + compatibility of signs!

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP – It is in the stars that everybody move towards love and partnership this year. However, there are two signs that have the greatest chance to get married. All of us know that it is possible to get married overnight, but also it is possible to look forward to the wedding ring and the proposal half of your life.

In the year 2020 it is most likely that people born under the signs of Scorpio and Pisces will find themselves walking towards the altar or will themselves be proposing.

Scorpio (born 24 October – 22 November) might not be too surprised about the marriage – even if you have been together for a short time with your loved one, the both of you feel that marriage is the right decision. And if you have been together for many years then indeed now is the time for the wedding day you have so long been waiting for.

The love of Scorpio is hot and passionate, but needs autonomy. They will become good doctors-diagnosticians, investigators, advocates, lawyers, capable commanders and politicians. The women born under this sign are mainly of two types: The first type is the introvert, the second type is the so to say femme fatale. The first type of women face hardships finding a partner since they are very demanding. Their strong character usually fascinates the weak, passive, undecided men. Once married, this woman advances the career of her husband. They do not pay attention to their appearances, they have a low voice, they are masculine, their eyes are always flashing. The other type is the so to say dangerous type: flirts, spreads anxiety around her, makes people desperate and men can even end themselves because of those women. The type of women often makes those unhappy that love her. Her passion often becomes fatal for herself and she is never happy. The typical vampire-woman.

Compatibility with: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces
Deep feelings: Taurus, Scorpio
Special feelings: Leo, Aquarius
Non-compatibility: Aries, Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius

Pisces (born 20 February – 20 March) due to their modesty do not bring up marriage as an issue, but their loved one is a great organizer. Pisces oftentimes lack the clear view to participate in the struggle for existance and they miss a lot of good opportunities, yet this year the destiny favors them in everything. While usually the people born under the sign Pisces have many doubts, have trust issues, are shy and cannot adjust with the surroundings, then this year it is a lot easier for them to overcome these obstacles.

Compatibility: Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn
Deep feelings: Virgo, Pisces
Special feelings: Gemini, Sagittarius
Non-compatibility: Aries, Leo, Gemini, Aquarius

Photo: Pexels
Source: Ohmygossip.fi

17 RIDICULOUS breakup excuses that were ever used

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP – There’s no need to reinvent the wheel when breaking up with someone: Explain to your soon-to-be ex what went wrong, be as transparent as possible, and try your damnedest to let them down gently. Redditors offered up the most ridiculous breakup excuses that were ever used on them.

If you’re responsible for uttering any of these lines, please go hide your head in shame.

1. “I love you and I won’t be able to bear it if I lose you. Before that happens, let’s break up.”

2. “I like bacon. You don’t like bacon. We’re done.”

3. “You’re spending too much time with your dying father.”

4. “‘I’m moving to Antarctica. Yes, I know I’m not a scientist. I’ll find work. Please don’t call me.’ …I don’t know what I did, but I always tell myself I dodged a crazy bullet.”

5. “‘Your soul is not developed enough to be loved.’ Umm, what?”

6. “I had a guy named Tyler tell me once that he was breaking up with me because ‘Tyler plane flies solo.’ What is that? And no, his last name was not Plane.”

7. “Lying in bed together after six months. Him: ‘You know when you walk down the street and you think a guy is really hot?’ Me: ‘Um, I guess…’ Him: ‘Well, I do too.'”

8. “My ex said, ‘If a girl is nice to me at a bar some night, I might not be able to stop myself from having sex with her, and I don’t want to cheat on you.’ Um, getting about eight steps ahead of yourself there, buddy.”

9. “My ex told me he couldn’t see himself marrying someone whose parents weren’t still together… My dad was dead.”

10. “I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you. We have to break up. If it’s really meant to be then we will end up together again like they do in the movies.”

11. “‘You go to Chipotle too much and I’m teaching piano two hours a week now, so we just don’t have time for each other.’ To be fair I do go to Chipotle 3-5 times a week, but c’mon, really?”

12. Girl drove my car into a pond, totaled it, then broke up with me because ‘that’s your karma coming to bite you in the ass, so you must have done something terrible.'”

13. “She told me, ‘You have too much money. You pay for every date. I think you’re doing something illegal. Also, you’re never around much. It seems like you don’t care about me at all.’ The truth was, I was working double shifts at McDonalds and it was killing me inside.”

14. “My mom thinks your face is too… controlling and bitchy and that means I wouldn’t have any control over you.’ I was a senior in high school and he was a sophomore in college. How are faces controlling?!”

15. “I feel called to be a pastor’s wife and you’re not going to be a pastor.”

16. “After cutting my hair to shoulder length and putting in some highlights, my ex goes, ‘You’re just not the same girl anymore.’ Um, okay, bye!”
And finally, this gem from a frugal middle schooler:

17. “‘I just can’t afford two gifts this year, but we can go back out after Christmas.’ My birthday is in December and then there’s Christmas. He tried to get me back by giving me a heart bracelet he stole from his mom for Valentines Day. My sixth grade boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen!”

Featured image: Pexels

7 THE MOST sensual piece of music to create a mood for the evening

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP — Sometimes dimming the lights isn’t enough. When you’re really trying to set the mood, or even give a not-so-subtle hint to a certain someone, these are the best songs to turn up as you get down. From Kehlani to Melii, here’s the steamiest sex songs of 2019 so far.

Kehlani – “Butterfly”
Almost every track on Kehlani’s While We Wait deserves a slot on your late night playlist. But with its long lyrical pauses and underwater-like reverbs, “Butterfly” seems to be the perfect one to get things going.

Tory Lanez – “Freaky”
“Freaky” is what you play if you’re trying to set the mood in the most straightforward way possible. Flooded with flutes and one billion references to getting it on, Tory Lanez keeps it pretty explicit.

Zacari – “Midas Touch”
Zacari’s vocal range has landed him on tracks with Isaiah Rashad, Ab-Soul, and even Kendrick Lamar’s “LOVE.” So it makes sense that the TDE signee has finally released his own solo project full of angelic one-offs, including the oh-so-smooth “Midas Touch.”

Kari Faux – “NIGHT TIME”
Kari Faux pairs her nonchalant rap-singing with a violin-led beat and seemingly L.A.-inspired chorus on “NIGHT TIME,” which assures that “it feels like the right time.”

Helado Negro – “Running”
“Running” is a cyclical, sleepy, poetic gem that separates itself from the rest of the more upfront tracks on the list. Fit for a morning after or more intimate moments, this Helado Negro track is a smooth entry into something a bit more dreamy.

Deante´ Hitchcock feat. H.E.R. – “Feelings”
“Life is a helpless romantic” Deante’ raps, as he navigates some newfound feelings before H.E.R. hops on the chorus with her signature silky style.

Melii ft. A. Boogie wit da Hoodie – “HML”
Harlem rapper Melii continues to prove herself with her club-ready anthems, but on “HML,” she slows things down just enough for something a bit more bedroom-ready.

Featured image: Pexels/Bruce Mars
Source: Ohmygossip.ee

7 THINGS and tips to remember when you start a new relationship

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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Foto: © Ohmygossip Couture Miss Earth Norway 2011 Marion Dyrvik

OHMYGOSSIP — It feels so exciting when you fall in love and start a new relationship! New relationships are about hope, some expectations and fresh feelings. But sometimes a new relationship collapses when they hardly starts.

Continue

IS GETTING BACK with an ex ever a good idea? Here are 6 REASONS where it would be a good idea to get back together

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP – Is there ever a good reason to get your ex back? Why would anyone want to get their ex back? Why would you want to take back someone who walked out on you? Why would you want to start a relationship that already ran its course? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

These are all legitimate questions that some people have about reconciliation. But not those who do want to get their ex back. They have a very simple answer to all these questions. And their answer is “I am still love my ex”. And as we all know, according to the media and the film industry, love is the only thing that matters in this world.

There is nothing bad about reconciliation. But never put your ex before your happiness. The only reason to get back together with your ex boyfriend or your ex girlfriend is if you want to give the relationship another try and not because you need your ex.

The fact that you love your ex, you miss your ex, or that you are miserable without your ex is never a good reason to get back together. Your mind will trick you into thinking anything just to avoid the pain of breakup. So, I won’t believe anything that your mind that tells you after the breakup.

Here are a few reasons that your mind will give you (and you will try to give to your friends and family), which are not really a good reason for reconciliation.

I love him/her
I can’t live without him/her
I can never find someone like him/her
He/She was my soulmate
He/She was the one
No one can ______ (insert some activity) like he/she used to do.
He/She made me happy (the most ridiculous reason. If they did make you happy, why are you so miserable now)
I am miserable without him/her.
I can’t imagine a life without him/her.

There could be many other variations of the above. You know it’s not a solid reason if you can see a desperation or neediness in it. Now that being said, there could be many reasons for trying it again.  Let’s look at some reasons where it would be a good idea to get back together.

1. The breakup was a rash decision
Sometimes, people break up because of ego. Sometimes people give up on a great relationship too easily instead of working on it. These types of breakups are usually a rash decision and not really thought out. Someone says something, and his or her partner over reacts and leaves him or her.

2. You Had a Great Relationship
Now you have to understand we are not talking about the Honeymoon stage of the relationship. You know the time where everything about your partner seems perfect and you never fight and you just can’t get over how amazing they are.

No, that does not define a great relationship. That’s just an average relationship with an average honeymoon period. A great relationship is based on honesty, respect, trust and communication. How would you rate your relationship on these four factors? If you think it was great in all four areas, then you can go ahead and say that your relationship with your ex was great. And we sincerely wish you the best in winning your ex back.

3. You have a child together.
A divorce or a separation can be really hard on a child. If there is a chance of getting back together and giving your relationship another chance, then you should do it. It’s worth a try. However, if you were in an abusive or toxic relationship, then separation is much better than being together. Nothing is worse for a child than to grow up in a toxic environment.

4. Circumstantial Breakup
A lot of times, people breakup simply because of circumstances. Maybe one of you had to go to another city for college or business and you didn’t want to try long distance. Sometimes, you wanted to try long distance but it didn’t work so you had to break up. If such is the case, then it is worth a try to get back together provided the circumstances have changed.

5. Your Friends And Family Think It’s a Good Idea To Get Back Together
In most cases, your friends and family will tell you to just move on and forget about your ex. We wouldn’t say they are always right in doing so. However, if they tell you that you should try getting back together with your ex, then it means that the relationship with your ex is probably worth saving. Your friends know you better than anyone else and if they think that your ex is worth giving it another try, then it won’t hurt to try reconciling.

6. You see some serious potential in the relationship
This one is little tricky because anyone who thinks they are in love will believe there is a potential in the relationship with their ex. But it’s worth putting here. If you think that you really can have a great future with your ex, then it might be worth trying to pursue them. However, make sure you don’t spend your entire life just obsessing over your ex and hoping they will take you back. You should just try to get back together once and if it didn’t work, you should move on. Sometimes, a false hope can keep you holding on to lost cause. And before you know it, you’ve spent your entire life chasing the white whale.

After you break up, it’s almost impossible to make a rational decision about whether or not you should get back with your ex. Your mind will definitely convince you somehow that it’s worth it. You will ignore all the problems you had and will only concentrate on the good things. You will make a montage of all the good things about your ex in your mind and play it over and over again until you are convinced they are the only one for you.

This is why the no contact rule is extremely important. When you stop all communication with your ex for at least 30 days, your mind starts thinking clear and you are in a better position to make a life changing decision. When you realize you don’t need your ex to be happy in your life, you can weigh the pros and cons of your relationship without being biased.

So before you make any decision, make sure you have gone through the no contact period for at least 30 days. And if after no contact, you still want to get back together, then you can go ahead with the rest of the plan.

Featured image: Pexels/Pixabay

13 AMAZING TIPS to make a good relationship great

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP – If you know what you’re doing, you can become your own relationship expert – and doing it yourself is totally within your reach. Follow these tips and make your relationship even better!

1. Do the things you did the first year you were dating.
As the months and years roll on, we tend to slink into our proverbial sweatpants and get lazy in our relationship. We lose our patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness, understanding and the general effort we once made toward our mate. Think back to the first year of your relationship and write down all the things you used to do for your partner. Now start doing them again.

2. Ask for what you want.
Over time, we assume that our partner knows us so well that we don’t need to ask for what we want. What happens when we make this assumption? Expectations are set and just as quickly, they get deflated. Those unmet expectations can leave us questioning the viability of our partnership and connection. Keep in mind that “asking for what you want” extends to everything from emotional to sexual wants.

3. Become an expert on your partner.
Think about who your mate really is and what excites him or her (both physically and emotionally). We can become consumed by what WE THINK he/she wants, as opposed to tuning in to what truly resonates with the other person. Remember that if it’s important to your partner, it doesn’t have to make sense to you. You just have to do it.

4. Don’t ask “how was your day.”
At the end of a long day, we tend to mentally check out of our lives and consequently, our relationship. We rely on the standard question, “How was your day?” Generally, that boring question will yield a boring answer such as, “Fine, how was yours?” This does nothing to improve your connection and instead, can actually damage it because you’re losing the opportunity to regularly connect in a small way.

Instead, try asking things like, “What made you smile today?” or “What was the most challenging part of your day?” You’ll be amazed at the answers you’ll get, with the added benefit of gaining greater insight into your significant other.

5. Create a weekly ritual to check in with one another.
It can be short or long but it begins with asking each other what worked and didn’t work about the previous week and what can be done to improve things this coming week. Additionally, use this opportunity to get on the same page with your schedules, plan a date night and talk about what you would like to see happen in the coming days, weeks, and months in your relationship. Without an intentional appointment to do a temperature check, unmet needs and resentments can build.

6. Keep it sexy.
What might change in your relationship if both you and your partner committed to increasing the behaviors you each find sexy and limiting those that aren’t? Think about this in the broadest form. “Sexy” can certainly refer to bedroom preferences, but it also represents what excites us about our mate in our day-to-day lives. Do you find it sexy if he/she helps with the housework? Do you find it “unsexy” when he/she uses the restroom with the door wide open? Talk about what it specifically means to “keep it sexy” in your relationship. Be amazed, be humored, be inspired!

7. Get creative about the time you spend together.
Break out of the “dinner and a movie” routine and watch how a little novelty can truly rejuvenate your relationship. On a budget and can’t go big? Jump on the internet to look for “cheap date ideas” and be blown away at the plethora of options. Can’t afford a sitter? Try swapping babysitting time with friends that have kids. It’s free and they will likely be thrilled to take your kids because they will get to take advantage when they drop their kids at your place.

8. Get it on.
Unless you have committed to an asexual partnership, sex, sexual contact and touching (kissing, holding hands, cuddling etc.) are vital components of a romantic relationship. The frequency is of course, up to you and it’s imperative that you discuss your ideas about it in order to prevent resentment. Rare are the moments when both partners are “in the mood” at the exact same second, but that doesn’t mean that you have to decline their advances. Remind yourself that you will almost always “get there” after the first few minutes and that an intimate interaction of any kind builds connection and elevates your mood and health. Bear in mind that you are never required to say “yes.” If you truly don’t feel it, the best thing you can do is to postpone. Just make sure that you initiate or accept within a reasonable amount of time thereafter.

9. Take a (mental) vacation, everyday.
Life and work distractions can become paramount in our minds and that leaves little time or energy for our partner. Practice the art of “Wearing the Relationship Hat.” This means that (barring any emergencies or deadlines), we are fully present when we’re with our mate. We truly hear what they are saying (instead of pretending to listen), we leave our distractions behind and we don’t pick them up again until the sun comes up and we walk out the door.

Some tips to improve communication

Sadly, we aren’t born with the innate ability to effectively communicate but it doesn’t mean that we can’t learn. Use the following techniques to better navigate and limit the tension in your relationship:

10. Take “fight breaks” when you need them.
Before you’ve hit the point of no return and as you see the stress beginning to escalate, one or both of you can call a break so that cooler heads can prevail. The crux of this tool lies in the fact that you must pick a specific time to revisit the conversation (I.e. 10 minutes from now, 2:00pm on Tuesday etc.) so that closure can be achieved.

11. Dig deep to unearth your true feelings.
In most disagreements, we communicate from the “Top Layer,” which are the obvious emotions such as anger, annoyance and the like. Leading from this place can create confusion, defensiveness and ultimately distract from the real issue. Start communicating from the “Bottom Layer” (i.e. What feelings are really driving your reactions such as disappointment, rejection, loneliness, disrespect etc.).

This type of expression creates an instant sense of empathy because it requires honesty and vulnerability to share from this space. Tension will dissipate and from here, solutions can spring. Just be sure to use kind, non-reactive phrasing when expressing these bottom layer feelings, such as “I felt hurt by…” as a replacement for “You’re such a jerk” etc.

12. Seek to understand … not agree.
Easy in concept, difficult in application. Conversations quickly turn to arguments when we’re invested in hearing our partner admit that we were right or when we are intent on changing his/her opinion. Choose to approach a conversation as an opportunity to understand your significant other’s perspective as opposed to waiting for them to concede. From this perspective, we have an interesting dialogue and prevent a blow out or lingering frustration.

13. Make your apology count.
It’s well understood that apologizing is a good thing but it only makes a real impact when you mean it. Saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you see it that way” are a waste of time and breath. Even if you don’t agree that your action was wrong, you will never successfully argue a feeling.

Accept that your mate feels hurt and from this place, a real apology can have a significant impact. When you love your partner and hurt them (intentionally or not) you can always legitimately apologize for the pain you caused regardless of your perspective on what you did or didn’t do.

You are now, officially armed with the comprehensive exercise routine to fully reshape your relationship. Trim the fat and build your hottest relationship for life!

Featured image: Pexels/Josh Willink

AVOID these 10 common mistakes in your relationship!

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP — A romantic relationship is the most precious gift to mankind. Hence, it is important to nurture a relationship in the right way. Many a times, women assume that men think and feel the same way as they do. This results in tiffs and breakups. In order to prevent such debacles, it is important to understand that men are different from women.

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Parlor games for grown-ups! TOP 6

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP – There are two types of people: the ones who like to make childish jokes and also play games with grown-ups and another kind of people who think that playing is for kids and a party should be celebrated in a grown-up style.

For those, who like to undertake something exciting:
1. Word explaining in pairs
– Write several words on the pieces of paper, the ones that can be explained without using words (for example, massage, giving birth, waltz, accidents, domestic incident, etc.). Put the word labels into the jar.
– Each pair has to think of a name to their team.
– When a team has chosen a word that they have to pantomime, they will have about 30 seconds in the next room to prepare it. If they cannot agree on the pantomime, they have to improvise.
– The team that guesses the correct answer, will score a point. (An easy way to count the points: put a sheet of paper with the names of the teams on the wall and write the scores there!)

2. A birthday present (crowd favourite)
– Prepare a small gift. I wrapped up a lollipop. Then I taped five “layers” of paper around it giving various assignments. (I slightly taped a piece of paper with the task on the package and wrapped it up again; a new task followed and one more layer of paper around all of it and so on.)
– Music is playing, and the people in the circle have to pass on the present. Like playing a hot potato. When the music stops, the one who has the parcel has to remove one layer from it and has to complete the task.
– I gave quite challenging tasks, and people were absolutely ecstatic. When the last person opened the present and found the lollipop, the people were disappointed that the game was already over.
(The assignments I thought of were connected with the birthday girl/boy: preparing a birthday cake for a birthday girl/boy, dance the booty shake and so forth.)

3. Forgotten balloons
– Each person gets a piece of paper, a pencil, a balloon and a ribbon.
– Everyone has to write an activity (task) on the piece of paper and put it into the balloon. Then you should blow up the balloon and tie it up.
– Hereupon all the balloons should be taken out of sight, to the other room.
– When the people have forgotten the balloons, it is the right time for every person to pick a balloon from the other room.
– And then you break the balloons and start completing the tasks.
(My company was so curious that they could not forget the balloons and were constantly asking about when we are going to do something with these balloons, but the time flew and I forgot the other part of this game. So, before going to the club with the celebrants, everyone grabbed a random balloon. A part of the company carried out the tasks on the way and some even in the club.)

4. A publicity stunt
– You need a product (I used three similar articles of clothing.) for which every team has to do some diverse and silly publicity.
– Company should be divided into three and given 10 minutes to prepare.
– Bear in mind the question: “What can you do with the product, and what else can be done with it?”
– You can also use some other props.
– Every team member has to have one´s own role.
– The game is particularly interesting when all the teams unknowingly “advertise” the same thing.
– This game needs improvisation and courage. But if successful, you can all have a great laugh about the game. People’s fantasy is limitless…
(This was the last game we played because then people already had more courage.)

5. Truth or dare
– Prepare several questions and tasks and put them into two jars: “Truth” and “Dare”
– The jars go around, and every person has to choose from which jar he/she would like to take the slip. Thereafter, one should answer the question or carry out the task.
(When you have more time, all the people could participate in thinking of and putting down the questions and assignments.)

6. A birthday bingo
– All the participants will get a pen and a prepared grid (5×5).
– Everybody will take turns saying one word connected with birthdays and then everyone has to write the word into one’s grid (wherever he/she would like to). At the same time, bingo-master has to write all these words down on the pieces of paper and next he/she will put them, for instance, into a basket.
– When the grid is filled, the bingo-master will start drawing/shouting out the words from the basket. The person who gets five squares in a row will win!

Source: Ohmygossip.ee
Featured image is illustrative: (YouTube)

15 SEX TIPS! Women reveal the one secret to amazing sex that they wish all men knew

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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1. Don’t stop means don’t stop
When I say “don’t stop” that means you should continue exactly what you are doing. Don’t take that as a sign to speed up, slow down, or make any adjustments to the angle. It means what you are currently doing is awesome and DON’T STOP DOING THAT.

2. Give boobs the attention they deserve
Breasts: they’re not just there to look at, guys. Touch them. Play with them. Kiss/lick them. Breasts are a serious erogenous zone for some women.

3. Get me off with words
Dirty talk. To be uninhibited and say the nastiest shit is awesome.

4. Oral is key
Oral is incredible if you do it right. There’s a reason they say “flick the bean” flicking motions can feel amazing. They are a great way to get going.

Also, if a girl is tight and dry, you’re doing it wrong. Warm her up and things go much better and feel better for both parties.

5. Listen here!
The clit is not an elevator button
I’m not as breakable as I look
Guys should be making noise too

6. You are not a jackhammer!
STOP fucking like a rabbit.
JUST SLOW DOWN FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND.

7. Some more important stuff
Sex is like a different state of consciousness. For everyone.
We feel the same hormones you do, so don’t hold back.
Rhythm is everything
Don’t say the same dirty phrases over and over, it loses its affect and becomes counterintuitive in the stimulation process

9. Be clean and communicate
If you’re “flicking the bean“ be mindful of the sensitivity of the area, meaning having enough sense to use common hygiene. Wash your hands, clean underneath your finger nails, maybe even clip them? There are a lot of nerves down there and everyone is different so not everyone feels things the same way. So I think a question such as: ‘like this?’ could potentially be appreciated.

10. Do you need a map?
All of the guys I’ve been with have made the same mistake, they finger my thigh crease. Just learn what the vagina feels like, and if I move your hand away from my thigh crease and to the right place, don’t move your hand back to the damn thigh crease.

11. Not everything has to be rough
Sometimes being soft, sensitive and teasing can be the biggest way to turn someone on! Don’t just vigorously rub down there unless they ask you to be harder or faster. Ouch! Sometimes jumping right in realllllly ruins the moment.

12. Don’t just shove your junk in there
If she’s “so tight it barely fits” then you’re not warming her up enough or at all, and she’ll probably get a nice infection from you tearing her skin like that, thanks. And for god’s sake DON’T spit on her pussy, that’s fucking weird. Get some lube, it’s not just for old people, it actually makes sex a lot more pleasurable. And you better be doing something with her clit during, or at least finishing her off, because 3/4 of us don’t come from only penetration!

13. “I have a lot of experience with disappointing sex, SO HERE’S WHAT YOU DO.”
I could write a book on this… at least for myself.

1.) Boobs, they are an important erogenous area. All sorts of teasing is encouraged. Bite, flick, suck, lick…etc. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!! Please, and I cannot stress this enough, respect them. Do NOT treat them like stress balls. Nor water balloons… the point I am trying to stress is, they are not your toys. Over stimulation of the breasts can result in loss of sensation. Guys, your girl will despise you if you take that away from her. It takes a long time for that to come back.

2.) Do not be so predictable. LTR’s are WONDERFUL. But you lose the excitement after a certain time. Don’t get insulted if your partner encourages you to spicing things up. Even if it’s something you’re not in to (within reason…example: threesome) humor her. You might be surprised at how much you like it. Of course, she should be willing to do the same for you…. I digress.

3.) This is more of an extension to #2. Don’t be lazy. A couple minutes of kissing and breast squeezing is not foreplay. Especially if your lying down to go to bed. And, in most cases, it’s not enough to warm a girl up for oral. If she isn’t wet…. she isn’t ready.

4.) Passion. You don’t have to be outspoken or really vocal… just show some enthusiasm in what your doing. It’s wonderful when your partner takes joy in pleasuring you. And it’s a huge turn on seeing how much you please you partner. Win Win. If you go above and beyond in bed, she will return the favor in more ways than one.

Just saying guys…. please your lady and she will be eager to do the same in return. She loves getting off as much as you do.

14. We don’t need an orgasm to have fun
It’s OK if I don’t orgasm. You haven’t failed me. I probably enjoyed it just as much as you. I do have one 25% of the time, but I usually just fake it just so I don’t hurt your ego.

Also, 25% is a high number, some of your girlfriends are faking.

15. And, finally:
Learning together is part of the process, and communication is key. No matter how many tips you have, it’ll be a learning experience for both. I had all the tips in the world and it was still weird and awkward at first, until we developed our own rhythm.


Featured image: (PantherMedia/LightField Studios/Scanpix)
Source: Originally found on R/AskReddit

6 “She wants you to” LESSONS! What your girlfriend wants, but will never ask for

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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She wants you to touch her mindlessly while the two of you watch a movie – she doesn’t want that ‘Netflix and Chill’ touching, where the movie is clearly just a pretext to do something else. She wants you to drag your fingers lightly along her arm, in her hair, on her hand. She wants to know that you want to touch her as a matter of habit, as a reflex that just feels more right than doing nothing at all. Touching should become second nature, not always a means to an end.

She wants you to surprise her, but not with some grand gesture you saw in a movie. She doesn’t need the guy lighting a hundred candles in the shape of a heart or a cheesy word, and she doesn’t need to be serenaded with soft guitar music. She needs something that is romantic to just the two of you, exactly to your definition. Surprise her with a bacon egg and cheese and coffee on a Saturday morning after she’s been working hard all week. Surprise her with a bar that’s full of board games, so you can finally see who’s actually better at Connect Four over vodka and orange soda. Pick a movie that you know she loves more than anything, even if she’s already seen it a dozen times, and set up a movie night around it. Let her know that you notice the little things.

She wants you to say that you love her, at weird, random moments when no one would expect it. She wants your words to feel like a kiss on her forehead in the dark, something she can barely feel but which she absolutely needs to feel is there. She wants your love to be something fluid and effortless, not built around “big moments” you feel obligated to mark. Sure, there can be special events, but there’s something a thousand times more heart-swoony about hearing a quiet “I love you” when she’s got a face mask and bathrobe on, when she thinks she’s at her least lovable, when it’s the last thing she expects.

She wants you to love her just as much in front of your friends. She wants you to kiss her cheek, to joke with you, to be the exact same way around them as he is around you. She never wants to feel like the girlfriend who has to be dragged around, like she’s an anchor to all of the fun you would otherwise be having. She hears the way other guys can talk about their girlfriends when they’re not around, like their relationship is an obligation. She knows it would sound needy to ask, but she wants to know that you are never like that with her.

She wants to get a letter from you, to be surprised that you remembered something that she didn’t, to hear the words “I already took care of it.” There is nothing more wonderful than knowing that someone else has already been putting in the thought, that you were on their mind enough to commit it to writing or make real plans. Because that’s the real romance that’s been dying – the romance of being thoughtful, the romance of taking your time and doing things right. She doesn’t want to be the thing you remember only when it’s late and you don’t want to sleep alone. She doesn’t want to be the one you come over to pretend to watch a movie with, just so you can spend a few hours in her arms. She wants to be the one you plan ahead for, the one you take a few extra minutes to make things special for. She doesn’t want your money or the things you can buy her, she wants your time. She wants your attention.

She wants your patience, in a world where everyone is going way too fast.

 

Featured image: (PantherMedia/Lev Dolgachov/Scanpix)
Source: ThoughtCatalog/Charlotte Green

20 Powerful secrets to meaningful relationships

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP — Here are twenty powerful secrets that will help you form meaningful relationships with people:

1. When two people meet, the prize always goes to the one with the most self-insight. He will be calmer, more confident, more at ease with the other.
2. Never permit the behavior of other people to tell you how you feel.
3. Pay little attention to what people say or do. Instead, try to see their innermost motive for speaking and acting.
4. Any friendship requiring the submission of your original nature and dignity to another person is all wrong.
5. Mystically speaking, there is no difference between you and another person. This is why we cannot hurt another without hurting ourselves, nor help another without helping ourselves.
6. When we are free of all unnecessary desires toward other people, we can never be deceived or hurt.
7. You take a giant step toward psychological maturity when you refuse to angrily defend yourself against unjust slander. For one thing, resistance disturbs your own peace of mind.
8. You understand others to the exact degree that you really understand yourself. Work for more self-knowledge.
9. Do not be afraid to fully experience everything that happens to you in your human relations, especially the pains and disappointments. Do this and everything becomes clear at last.
10.The individual who really knows what it means to love has no anxiety when his love is unseen or rejected.
11. If you painfully lose a valuable friend, do not rush out at once for a replacement. Such action prevents you from examining your heartache and breaking free of it.
12. Do not be afraid to be a nobody in a social world. This is a deeper and richer truth than appears on the surface.
13. Every unpleasant experience with another person is an opportunity to see people as they are, not as we mistakenly idealize them. The more unpleasant the other person is, the more he can teach you.
14. You can be so wonderfully free from a sense of injury and injustice that you are surprised when you hear others complain of them.
15. We cannot recognize a virtue in another person that we do not possess in ourselves. It takes a truly loving and patient person to recognize those virtues in another.
16. Do not mistake desire for love. Desire leaves home in a frantic search for one gratification after another. Love is at home with itself.
17. There are parts of you that want the loving life and parts that do not. Place yourself on the side of the positive forces: do all you can to aid and encourage them.
18. You must stop living timidly from fixed fears of what others will think of you and of what you will think of yourself.
19. Do not contrive to be a loving person: work to be a real person. Being real is being loving.
20. The greatest love you could ever offer to another is to so transform your inner life that others are attracted to your genuine example of goodness.

Featured image: PantherMedia/ Fabrice Michaudeau/ Scanpix
Source: “Twenty Special Secrets,” from Mystic Path to Cosmic Power, by Vernon Howard

13 TIPS! How to make a good relationship great – proactive approach to creating your best relationship!

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP — Do a Google search on how to get your best body and you’ll be inundated with pages of training tips. For those who want to take that same, proactive approach to creating your best relationship, I have your “exercise regimen” below.

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Nancy Dell’Olio, 54, is dating Ex on the Beach’s Jordan Davis, 23

By
Helena-Reet Ennet
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OHMYGOSSIP — ‘Celebrity Big Brother’s Nancy Dell’Olio has sparked rumours she’s got a new toyboy lover after she was spotted on a date with ‘Ex on the Beach’s Jordan Davis earlier this week.

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